The Heavy-ness of Emptiness

I’m 23 years old. I’ve just started “living”. I’m supposed to be the lively kid, living her life, looking forward to everyday and living it to the fullest.

Instead, I find myself empty on the inside.

It’s weird. I have always been the person who has never planned ahead, and yet, I’ve been able to figure out things for myself. Taking it one step at a time, I used to look forward to the challenges that were thrown at me for living my life in an unplanned way.

One thing that I was sure of, after all the unplanned steps, was that the profession that I’d chosen for myself would be ‘it’. I had convinced myself that this is where I belonged. I had no back-up plans. To add on to my confidence, everybody around me assured me that I would be great at it. Everything had fallen into place for me, or so I thought, when I got the saddest reality check of the field and I had to give up on everything I thought was my future.

Now this emptiness is killing me inside. The emptiness of not knowing what I want to do, what I’m good at, or the self-doubt that if I’m actually good at anything. I thought I’d never be bothered with what I would do in my life, because I know I’m great. But apparently, this emptiness shatters your self confidence too. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sad all the time. I’m just, empty.

I know there are thousands like me, in their 20s, wondering if they’re good for anything, doubting themselves at every turn if their plan doesn’t pan out the way they think it would, and giving themselves the ‘bad-trip’, they don’t deserve.

To those people, I just want to say, you’re not alone. I’m sure it will take me some time to get back the zest I was initially filled with, to get back on track, with a new plan, but I’m just 23. I’m supposed to start “living”. And I will. I plan to be the lively kid, living her life, looking forward to everyday and living it to the fullest.

And I hope you do too!

And just so you know, you’re not alone. I’ve added all the ways you can reach out to a fellow confused soul who’ll probably relate or be a good ear to rant out to, in my website!

Take care! 🙂